You can try as hard as you like, I did. But it's always going to be that your kid is going to ignore you in favour of The Really Cool Kid At School and/or the latest music star/ internet celebrity/sportsperson. Remember, you're old, and things aren't like they were back when you were a kid (somewhere in the Neolithic, according to the average teen).

Your experience isn't relevant to them because it didn't happen to them and what's happening to them isn't what happened to you (it probably is, but they won't admit/realise that until they're in their mid-20s at the earliest).

We do The Talk about sex. You do The Talk about race as well as sex. All well and good, duty discharged. Just be aware that the kids are going to go right off and do as they damn well please and if you're really lucky, there won't be too many messes to clear up!

Your best bet is to try and inject your offspring with a healthy dose of general cynicism - mostly by being cynical about them and making them cynical about you. Best protection you can give them is to knock away their rose-tinted specs. No Easter Bunny, no Santa and Cinderella doesn't get to go to the ball. If they always expect the worst, they won't be too hurt when it happens.