Um, it’s about being and doing. Women seem to have the knack of simply being who they are, regardless of what they’re doing. For an awful lot, if not the majority, of men, what we do is who we are.

It’s not about the job, necessarily (though for many men of older generations, their job was the sum total of their identity, which is why retirement or unemployment weighed so hard on them). It’s also about what we do in life generally. So if you want to get the best out of a man, don’t talk about how you’d like him to be, tell him what you’d like him to do!

As for feelings:

When things are going badly and we have to fix it, we get pissed off, it gives us the energy to do the stuff we don’t like or want to.

When things are going badly and there’s nothing we can do, we get miserable and grumpy -it’s frustration.

If things are going well, but the job’s still to finish, we’re enthusiastic because we’re getting it right and that feels good.

If things are going well and the job is finished, we’re content -taking a break before the next job.

We love you. It’s not something we can easily explain verbally, but we try to show it by doing what you want us to do, or things we hope you’ll like.

That’s it, and that’s all of it. Because we’re simple creatures.

As to those dreaded ‘talks’, we do our best to listen, but so often the talk goes all around the houses about feelings and needs or whatever. Don’t do that, just tell us what you need us to do!