The Greatest Humbug

An Open Letter to Modern Capitalists From Ebenezer Scrooge

Sirs,

Once again, I find myself in the hands of an author who has chosen to grant me a vision of the future. This time, however, it is not a matter of some sugar-coated ‘redemption’, of which I never stood in need, but simply to observe what has become of the world of business in which I once worked.

We did not, by and large, in my day, speak of ‘isms’ — words such as ‘capitalism’ or ‘socialism’ were not bandied about as they are in your time. I’ll allow I find myself puzzled by ’em, as they seem to apply as much to social customs and etiquette as they do to business -matters which we keep separate.

But this I will say of your world of ‘business’, using the word which Mr Dickens has forever stuck to my name. That word, gentlemen, is ‘humbug’!

For those of you, especially in the Colonies, who suffer from the creeping shrinkage of the once-noble English tongue, a humbug is a fraud, a deception, a hypocrisy. All things with which your so-called ‘businesses’ are riddled!

I am a moneylender, what you in your time would call an ‘investment banker’, though we seldom make such distinctions. I advance sums of money to individuals and companies, and also purchase shares in companies. I expect a due return upon my investment, of course. I also require debts to be paid, in full, with the agreed interest, upon the due date. That is the contract both I and the debtor agreed upon.