The Authentic Eclectic

The Cat Who Used a Blunt Instrument

(With apologies to Lilian Jackson Braun)

Dylan in his glory days (Photo property of author)

Dylan was the Unintentional Cat.

A few years before Dylan joined us, Anne’s lovely old dog, Vince, had passed away at the grand old age of twenty. The story of how Anne had rescued him as a pup is one for another day. All that matters is that, for the first time for many years, we were without a pet.

There were discussions, of course. Another dog was out of the question. Vince had been perhaps the sweetest-natured pooch that ever walked the Earth, and had, as Anne pointed out, left us with expectations no other dog could be expected to live up to. Rabbits, as far as I am concerned, belong in pies. Hamsters, gerbils, guinea-pigs etc were dismissed by Anne: ‘Even in a fancy coat, a rat’s a rat and I don’t want one in my house!”. Lizards, snakes and tarantulas were vetoed due to assorted phobias. Birds, we all agreed, do not belong in cages, ever. Fish, it was deemed, were a lot of expense and equipment for very little feedback.

So when I went off to work one day, I assumed agreement had not been reached. It was therefore a surprise when my family rolled up in the car, (in those days, we could only afford a manual transmission, which my mild dyspraxia didn’t allow me to drive) an…