So in point of fact, you’re afraid of the anger itself, not of the person? Because if male anger was not present in your early life — and you say that it wasn’t -then it could simply be the strangeness, the unfamiliarity that is scary. It is very, very, hard to ditch behaviours and habits formed in childhood. The things we don’t experience in childhood are as deeply formative as the things we do.
Also, do you get angry yourself? Do you express it? How does your partner react when and if you do? If you are a person who does not experience or express anger, your fear may be based in not understanding what angry people are feeling.
My wife grew up with a volcanic father, who was loud but not violent, and a mother who would let things build up inside until she exploded. These types of anger annoy or amuse her, but do not scare her. But she tells that my kind of anger - calm and icily polite — is very frightening for her, because it’s not what she’s used to.
All the stuff about culture, and men being allowed or not allowed, to express a variety of emotions should be taken cum grano. So should the notion that men have the same breadth, depth and complexity of emotion as women. We’re a simple lot, with simple emotions. Give us a complex task to perform, we’re up for it. Present us with an emotional tangle, and we’re not wired up to handle it, simple as.