Overheard in Waitrose

The British equivalent of all those Wal-Mart jokes and memes

Just for those who aren’t Brits; Waitrose & Partners is a ‘high-end’ supermarket chain in the UK, serving the upper middle class market. The following, from a variety of sources, purport to be statements or fragments of conversation overheard in their shops.

‘Darling, do we need parmesan for both houses?’

‘Please don’t rummage in the reduced bin darling, someone from the golf club might see you.’

‘Daddy, does lego have a silent ‘T’, like merlot?’

‘Horatio! Put down that papaya! You’ve already chosen olives and manchego for your treat!’

‘No organic strawberries? Now what am I supposed to feed the rabbits?’

‘Mummy, you must get me more quinoa otherwise I’ll be a laughing stock during lunch at school.’

‘Don’t forget the Cashmere enriched toilet roll, darling.’

‘I went to ASDA once and the checkout assistant didn’t even know what Cambozola was. Rough as dogs.’

‘Oliver, leave the falafel alone and run and get some sirloin for the dogs!’

‘Perhaps you’d like to explain to my guests why Waitrose only had enough Foie Gras for 5 people.’

‘Oh buggery-botch-wagons. Felicity, do mummy a favour and grab the organic Quinoa. Quickly, darling, before it’s our turn to be served.’

‘No boxes for the champagne? Am I supposed to levitate them to the car?’

And finally, overheard a day or so ago, by myself, in Lidl -a really cheap discount supermarket in Coventry: “Won’t be long, just in Waitrose.”

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