Odd. I'm not nice, not nice at all. I'm a cantankerous misanthrope with a permanent scowl, a quick temper and a tongue like an acid-tipped whip. I make no allowances for age, gender, colour, status or anything else. Only competence and courtesy will save you.

I've never done violence unless in self-defence or under military orders. I have been married to the same (equally cranky) woman for over 30 years. I have the absolute trust of my grown-up stepdaughter, the unforced respect of my adult son and the unconditional love of three boisterous and clever grandchildren.

Is all this simply because I'm not nice?