I nod and go ‘yes’ and ‘I see’ and ‘oh no’ while others are talking because if I don’t, they suddenly demand “Are you actually listening to me?” — who sucks in that scenario?

My wife says ‘thank you’ to ATMs, vending machines and self-service tills. Some people don’t suck, they're just eccentric.

People are mean to dogs because your average dog is a sycophant who will take whatever a human gives them. If you’re going to be mean to a cat, you have to be prepared to bleed!